Category Archives: Humor

Goldman Sach on Occupy Wall Street

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 GS Lloyd Blankfein letter

A Letter from Goldman Sachs Concerning Occupy Wall Street

The following is a letter released today by Lloyd Blankfein:

Dear Investor:

Up until now, Goldman Sachs has been silent on the subject of the protest movement known as Occupy Wall Street.  That does not mean, however, that it has not been very much on our minds.  As thousands have gathered in Lower Manhattan, passionately expressing their deep discontent with the status quo, we have taken note of these protests.  And we have asked ourselves this question:

How can we make money off them?

The answer is the newly launched Goldman Sachs Global Rage Fund, whose investment objective is to monetize the Occupy Wall Street protests as they spread around the world.  At Goldman, we recognize that the capitalist system as we know it is circling the drain – but there’s plenty of money to be made on the way down.

The Rage Fund will seek out opportunities to invest in products that are poised to benefit from the spreading protests, from police batons and barricades to stun guns and forehead bandages.  Furthermore, as clashes between police and protesters turn ever more violent, we are making significant bets on companies that manufacture replacements for broken windows and overturned cars, as well as the raw materials necessary for the construction and incineration of effigies.

It would be tempting, at a time like this, to say “Let them eat cake.” But at Goldman, we are actively seeking to corner the market in cake futures.  We project that through our aggressive market manipulation, the price of a piece of cake will quadruple by the end of 2011.

Please contact your Goldman representative for a full prospectus.  As the world descends into a Darwinian free-for-all, the Goldman Sachs Rage Fund is a great way to tell the protesters, “Occupy this.”  We haven’t felt so good about something we’ve sold since our souls.

Sincerely,

Lloyd Blankfein
Chairman and CEO, Goldman Sachs, Inc.

Contests

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Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one Day. As they walk, they come across a sign: “Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.” “I am entering” said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, “Well, how’d ya do? ” First Place ,” said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign:”Contest for the strongest man in the world.” “I’m entering,” says Superman. After half an hour he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?” ” First Place ,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”

They continue walking when they see a sign: “Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”

Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.

“What happened?” they asked.

“Who the hell is Obama?” asked Pinocchio.