Clarence Barbie:
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Galleria
Mall. She comes with an assortment of Coach
Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog
named Courvoisier and a cookie cutter $1,000,000.00
McMansion. Available with or without tummy tuck and
face lift. Workaholic Ken sold separately.
Tonawanda Barbie:
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available
with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit.
She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation
or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone
sold separately.
Niagara Street Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie is available after dark
and must be paid for in cash, preferably small,
untraceable bills.
East Aurora Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own
Starbucks cup, American Express card and Roycroft
membership. Also available for this set is Artistic
Ken, who has a potter's wheel and no visible means
of support.
South Buffalo Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans two sizes too small, a Hooters t-shirt and a
shamrock tattoo. She has a six-pack of Bud light and
a Twisted Sister CD set. She can spit over 5 feet
and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk.
Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a
Buffalo Sabres bumper sticker absolutely free.
Amherst Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a
leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while
entertaining friends. Percocet prescription
available.
Lackawanna Barbie:
This chain-smoking, brassy-haired Barbie has a
pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken
heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of
another Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a
see through halter-top. Cheektowaga version comes
with a mobile home and pink flamingo.
Lexington Co-op Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has
multi-colored dreadlocks, unshaved armpits, no
makeup and multiple piercings. Purchase Barbie's new
Co-op blueprints and get a free demolition permit
for the pre-WWI building of your choice.
BMHA Barbie:
This Barbie comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Ken is available, but difficult to find since the
addition of the infant.
Broadway/Fillmore Barbie:
This model comes with a choir robes, a
collection plate, a bible, and is automated. Pull
the string and she raises her right hand and praises
the lord. Available in four styles: Baptist,
Jehovah's Witness, African-Methodist- Episcopal, and
(this week's special) Urban Storefront.
Elmwood Barbie/Ken:
This versatile doll can be easily converted from
Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the
multiple "snap-on" parts. Comes with your choice of
CD: Ani DiFranco or Broadway's Greatest Hits.
