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Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Air craft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
(And the best one for last..................)
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Last edited by Bronx; 02-01-2010 at 07:41 AM.
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That's been around for years, originally attributed to Quantas airlines out of Oz...
It only takes a college degree to fly a military airplane, not commercial or ATP. All you need is the medical, rating, and type certificate for the particular heavy you're flying.
Still funny, though!
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In the early 60's Delta was hiring pilots with a PPL. If they hired you they would train you for the Commercial. One of the fellows which had a hanger next to mine at a A/P Northwest of DFW was hired with a PPL. He was driving a Milk truck in Ft.Worth and noticed a ad in the Star Telegram. Got his PPL while delivering the milk. Delta hired him. He retired off the L1011. Had a H.S. education. Very nice fellow, helped me rebuild a Howard DGA, BC12D, Pitts S1, Cassutt IIIM. Signed me off for the A/P. He had a I/A for years. Built a couple of Stevens Acros and was a hell of a acrobatic pilot. He flew on the US Aerobatic team for many years. I learned a lot from him. Looped my C65 Taylorcraft 16 times in row with him. Lost a total of 125'. Underpowered planes are a hell of a lot harder to do acro than a plane with big hp. When Bob Hoover flys a dead stick loop from 50' and rolls on the ramp into the chocks that's something IMHO. A loop are any other crap in a F18 is eye candy for the kiddies. The fellow would fly knife edges at 20' at way slow speed. Come back and tweak on the controls and give it another try. His eyeballs were always like red jawbreakers from the G load. Best mechanic and pilot I have ever been around. He also drove the crap out of a Pro Stock he built from the chassis up. He's gone now. He was killed by a drunk while riding his knucklehead when he was 78.
Last edited by HedleyLamar; 01-21-2011 at 11:17 AM.
UPS..... Just in case you need a laugh: 
Linear Mode
