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Thou shalt have no other God except thyself; after all, it's thy
self-esteem that counts. If thou doth not love thyself, who will?
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Thou shalt not make any graven image out of any substances which
cannot be recycled.
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Thou shalt not take the name of liberals in criticism, including
feminists, racial minorities, or any person who thinks he is a
victim of America.
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Remember the anniversaries of Roe vs Wade and Anita Hill's testimony
before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and keep them holy.
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Honor thy mother. If she is dysfunctional, it is thy father's fault.
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Thou shalt not kill. With these exceptions: life forms under the
second trimester, and those opting for medically assisted suicides.
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Thou shalt not commit adultery. Unless thou aspires to high
political office, use a condom, or cannot help it.
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Thou shalt not steal. Unless thou art disadvantaged or upset with a
jury verdict.
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Thou shalt not bear false witness. Unless thou art discussing the
history of the 1980's, art campaigning, or can afford good legal
counsel in the event that thou art discovered.
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Thou shalt not covet. Unless thou art the victim of gender-related
oppression or institutional racism, or art still angry with Reagan's
tax cuts.
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Always hide the real truth about thyself.
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Never admit who or what thou really art when campaigning for office.
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Always blame someone else for what thou dost - even so far as to
blame the entire society.
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Thou shalt oppose all punishment - except when conservative
Republicans or religious right people criticize thee.
