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| 03/12/2007 |
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Please note that these links do exist -- but they're in the process of being shuffled around a little because of some asshole making an issue of my web sites in court. If one doesn't work today -- it will very soon. I'm guessing November 30, 2005!
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Not going well with that new girlfriend, this form letter could help those having a hard time putting their thoughts into words.
Dear (insert her name here),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention to become the future Mrs. (insert your last name). As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough this year and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available or I become extremely desperate.
So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (check all that apply)
__Your surprise at learning Paul McCartney was indeed in another band prior to Wings revealed you do not meet my age requirements.
__Your failure to reach for your purse even in a feigned attempt to pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of basic economics.
__You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
__The only question you asked me was how much money I make.
__You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the inside after I opened the passenger side door for you.
__Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
__ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
(Insert your name here) |
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