Please note that these links do exist -- but
they're in the process of being shuffled around a little because of some
asshole making an issue of my web sites in court. If one doesn't work today
-- it will very soon. I'm guessing November 30, 2005!
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people
see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to
the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side."
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken,
you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we
sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken
should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as
that.
KEN STARR:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of
the President of the United States of America in an effort to
distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the
criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to
cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the
president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and
undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to
offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates
fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be
permitted to reach the other side of the road until our
investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have
been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal
has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the
chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful
testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his
feathers.)
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough
for us.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken XP, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken
XP.
EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
chicken? Could you define chicken please?
IMMANUEL KANT:
The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as
chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken
crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"
Thou shall cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT:
Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not
cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any
chickens.
