Please note that these links do exist -- but
they're in the process of being shuffled around a little because of some
asshole making an issue of my web sites in court. If one doesn't work today
-- it will very soon. I'm guessing November 30, 2005!
Saddam Hussein was sitting
in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone
rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Paddy O’Reilly down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing
to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell
me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation,
there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next-door neighbor Gerry, and
the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1 million men
in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right, Mr. Hussein, the
war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's
tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16
thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army
has increased to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Really?!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein,
the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne!
We've modified Ted's ultra light with a couple of rifles in the
cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute, and then sighed. "I must tell you
Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MIG-19 attack
planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided
surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has
increased to 2 million."
"Faith and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back," Sure
enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, I am
sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a chat, and there's no way we can
feed two million prisoners."
