Dear Boudreaux, Tanks
for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las' night with dirty
rice. I doan tink de Pear tree will grow wid all da heat in
de summa.
Marie
Day
2:
Dear Boudreaux, You
letter say you sen' two turtle dove, but all I got was two
scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mix dem wit' andouille an made some
gumbo out of dem.
Marie
Day
3:
Dear Boudreaux, Why
couldn' you a sent me Crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darn
birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chicken to Marie
Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed de tird one to my dog
Phideaux.
Marie
Day
4
Dear Boudreaux, Mon
Dieux! I tol you no more xxxxx birds. Deez four, what you call
dem "calling birds?" were so noisy you could hear dem all de
way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps an
fed de rest of dem to de gators.
Marie
Day
5
Dear Boudreaux, You
finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden rings, me. I
hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to
fix da shaf' on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at
de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!
Marie
Day
6:
Dear Boudreaux,
Couchon! Back to da birds, you Cajun turkey! Poor
egg suckin' Phideaux
is scared to death at dem six geese. He try to eat dem's eggs
and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating
cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem wit oyrster
dressing on Christmas day.
Marie
Day
7:
Dear Boudreaux, I'm
gonna wring you fool neck nex' time I see you! Thibodeaux, da
mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is
stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat
stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim
on de bayou and some duck hunters from de Mississippi blast'
dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow.
Marie
Day
8:
Dear Boudreaux, poor
ole Thibodeaux, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to
deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and der cows. One of dem cows got
spooked by da alligators and almost tip' over da boat. I doan
like dem shifless maids, me no. I tol' dem to get to work
guttin' fish and sweepin de shack but dey say it wasn't in
dair contract. Dey probably think dey too good ta skin da
nutrias I caught las' night.
Marie
Day
9:
Dear Boudreaux, What
you trying to do, huh? Thibodeaux had to borrow de Lutcher
ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping
across the bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea
break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says,
"Well La Di Da! You get Chicory coffee or nuttin!" Mon Dieu,
Emile! What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for
fried nutria, and de cows done eat
my turnip greens.
Marie
Day
10:
Dear Boudreaux, You
got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I
will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from
deBourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan
act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos lef'
after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da
out-house. I had to butcher two cows to feed toute le monde
an had to get toilet paper; the Sears catalog wasn't good
enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin'.
Marie
Day
11:
Dear Boudreaux, where
y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 'leven pipers piping arrive
today from de House of Blues, secon' lining as dey get off de
boat. We fixed stuff goose an' beef jambalaya and we having a
fais-do-do. Da new mailman he having a good time, yeah,
dancing with de floozies. Den Thibodeaux, he jump off de
Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming you name. If you get a
mysterious, tickin' package in de mail, doan open it!
Marie
Day
12:
Dear Boudreaux, I
sorry to tell ya but I not your true love no more, no. After
da fais-do-do, I spen' de night with Jacque, de head piper. We
decide to open a restaurant and gentleman club on de bayou. De
floozies- pardon me, Ladies-dancin', can make $20 for a table
dance, an' de Lords can be waiters an' valet park de boat.
Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem
ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run ma shrimping
business. We will probably gross a million nex' year.
