HICKBONICS The Association of Southern Schools has decided to
pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline
through Washington designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics,"
as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker
of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are
excerpts from the Hickbonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI
- (noun) -Greeting.
HIRE YEW
- Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?"
BARD
- (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH
- (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER
- (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left
$20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS
- (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I
ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK
- (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARE
- (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and
yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
IGNERT
- (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH
- (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup
truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL
- (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my
pickup truck."
FAR
- (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my
pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR
- (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git
a flat tarin my pickup truck."
TIRE
- (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope
to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD
- (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT
- (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or
combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
RATS
- (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN
- (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must be from some
farn country."
DID
- (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR
- (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"
BOB WAR
- (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE
- (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with
that bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE
- a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked
but a minnit'n 'is laf."
SEED
- (verb) - past tense of "to see".
VIEW
- contraction: (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
